So often my clients tell me how angry they are about some aspect of their life. Usually it involves their husband or wife regarding something that they have done or didn’t do in their relationship.
I ask them where they direct their anger and they usually say at him. “ I tell him over and over that what he does makes me angry.” It could be about his drinking behavior, or about following through with agreements, or that he doesn’t pay any attention to her when he is home from work.
I ask is directing your anger at him effective in bringing about change? The client responds with, “No not really, he doesn’t change I just get more upset and develop more anger”.
Communicating your anger at another person is a waste of time after the first or second time. Believing that your partner is going to change if you keep telling them that you are upset with their behavior is just setting yourself up for feeling helpless in your relationship, and they will see you and you may see yourself as nothing but a nag.
So you ask what are you supposed to do with your anger? To use your anger to empower you is to direct it at something that you have control over. If you are in relationship where you have a lover/spouse who doesn’t care about how you feel then your power lies in that you have a choice to continue to be in this type of relationship or not. It’s up to you where you choose to live your life. For more information regarding this post check out my book, Love Yourself
