With the holidays over and the start of the New Year upon us, many people make resolutions regarding changes they would like to make in their lives. They start to make these changes, but after a few months, they may fall back into the same old habits. The reason for this regression might have to do with the fact that they are lacking the components for change.
People seek my help as a therapist so they can make changes to improve their lives for the better. I believe that there are three key psychological components necessary in order to make these changes become reality. This is true for individuals as well as couples. The first component is what I call awareness. Without the awareness or knowledge as to how to make changes, people just keep doing the same thing over and over again, thinking that somehow the change will happen on its own. Usually, they just keep getting more frustrated to the point where they just give up trying. Many people live their lives on autopilot until a crisis occurs and their denial is broken. Then they begin to realize that they need more information to improve their lives and they seek awareness about how to do this.
The next key component is motivation. Without motivation, the changes don’t happen even if an individual has the knowledge. They are all “talk” and no “walk.” The motivational energy for people to make changes in their lives comes from their emotions. Are they angry enough or scared enough to make the change? What is enough depends on the particular person.
The last key component is acceptance. Generally, an individual is critical or judgmental of the aspect of themselves they want to change. People resist change when they feel judged by others or by themselves. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you like the aspect of yourself you want to change; you just don’t attack yourself with critical self-talk.
When all three of these components are occurring, real personal change is possible, regardless of your age or gender.
Happy New Year!
